Comments on: Against The Current, thrilling installment #1

By: emmel

emmel — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:02:47 +0000

Thanks. And yes, the first draft is quite different. It dates back 10 years or more, and in that time both my English and myself have changed quite a bit. Plus, I now have an idea where the plot is heading.
I hope to see you around? Comments are always welcome – and the best way to ensure (more or less) regular updates.

By: joanofacre

joanofacre — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 02:26:08 +0000

Quite the difference from the first draft. Still a good start of what looks to be an intriguing story.

By: emmel

emmel — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:22:25 +0000

Fixed.

By: Richard

Richard — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:04:59 +0000

’she pushed herself of the bed’ Off?

Richard

By: emmel

emmel — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:52:42 +0000

Ah yes… newly written and full of errors. Thanks for the suggestions. In short: Yes to 1, 3, 5 and the first part of 7. I think I’ll pass on 2, although you have a point. There shouldn’t be a real risk of misunderstanding. 6 was just missing a word I think, and for the second part of 7 I think I’ll leave it this way. Thanks for the many good suggestions. I really appreciate that. Corrections are up. And it’s always a pleasure to see a new face, even when it’s ‘business’

By: Linda Schoales

Linda Schoales — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:17:08 +0000

Found a few more errors:

1. “she had given up and resolved to staring at her feet and waiting”
you might want to try “settled on staring” or “decided to stare”
2. you might want to capitalize “mummy”, unless you mean a desiccated body
3. “The last of patrons had left the inn three hours ago”
should be “The last of the patrons”
4.”there was no other sound safe for the odd animal cry outside”
should be “save the odd animal cry” or “save for that of the odd animal”
5. “As quietly as possible she shed off her night gown”
should be “she shed her night gown” or “she took off her night gown”
6. “Laiva wasn’t as unobserved as she would have though”
could be “as she would have thought” or “have hoped”
7. “a pair of eyes was fixating her window, watching any ever so small movement”
could be “fixed on her window” “watching every small movement”?

By: emmel

emmel — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:23:40 +0000

I try my best. Although I have to admit you were the second person with that problem, so I already had something in the works.

By: Richard

Richard — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:52:14 +0000

Thank You word wrap is working now. That was fast. Richard

By: emmel

emmel — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:43:04 +0000

Should be fixed now.

By: Richard

Richard — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:20:41 +0000

Hi I would like to read your story. To do so I would be required to copy it to word or some other program. Your text size is set to smaller and word wrap is off so when I tried to expand to Largest I lost your words off the right side of the page. “Nobody understood her, not even her
mummy.” becomes ‘Nobody understood her, mummy.’. It is a formatting thing and may will be on my end. I can not correct it and can not read you text size so can not read the story. Sorry to complain. Richard